Mirror

Look in the mirror.

Who do you see?

Do you see yourself?

Do you see your parents?

Your brother or sister?

Do you see your friends, standing around you?

Or do you just see yourself?

I used to see myself.

I used to look in the mirror,

and see the truth.

Not good or bad,

just true.

I saw, plain as day,

the length of my hair falling over my shoulders

and the green of my eyes, lost sometimes in the gray.

I saw my mouth and my nose and my chin,

and my face as a whole.

Not good or bad,

just true.

I saw the length of my neck

and the breadth of my shoulders,

the collarbone always pronounced.

I saw the swell of my breasts

and my wide ribs that moved when I breathed

and my stomach rounding down

with the bellybutton right in the middle.

I saw the curve of hips and my thighs,

the length of my legs

with the knees looking funny

as they always do,

and feet with nice toes that weren’t too big.

Not good or bad,

just true.

Today,

I don’t see myself in the mirror anymore.

I see everything that isn’t there,

or the things that are there but too much.

I don’t notice my hair or my eyes,

except when I’m in a really good mood.

I don’t remember the good things behind the facade,

I obsess over details.

Not good,

Bad,

and true.

Only not really true.

But it’s hard to disbelieve an irrational truth.

I try not to look at mirrors much, anymore.

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6 thoughts on “Mirror

  1. Poignant, Em. Insightful. The fact that you’ve seen, and recognized true, means that you now know it exists–you can’t deny it. Truth isn’t always pretty, but it can certainly be beautiful. :^)

  2. unabridgedgirl says:

    Em,

    Sweetie, this poem is beautiful, yet very sad. I cried. I cried because I know what you must be going through is hell. I know that what you see isn’t what others see, and it has to be such a struggle. I cried because I know you are a great person, with so much potential and inner-beauty. I hope you know that.

    M.

  3. chloe says:

    i can relate to this

    your line:
    I saw the length of my neck

    and the breadth of my shoulders,

    the collarbone always pronounced.

    i’m always so aware of these in myself, i always catch myself staring at the reflection in the mirror at these parts on myself
    i’m not sure why, my collarbone is also pronounced and i feel i have a long neck

    your words touched my heart and i feel like i am so close to you xo

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