My LA Haven

This is the way it’s always been:

Once I enter the large wood-framed glass doors, whether they’re in the mall or next to Ralph’s, my world shifts subtly, becoming a place of beauty and opportunity and most of all, calm. My cares drift away, and I let myself go, knowing I’m in a safe place. I wander the carpeted walkways, the halls, sometimes going up and down escalators. I gaze appreciatively at this corner or that, checking also if any of the chairs in the nooks are taken and if I might have a chance of collapsing into one later.

As a child, my steps, guided by a parent’s or relative’s hand, led me to the section with the big “JR.s” sign above it. All the shelves were at reachable child level, there were dolls and games in a corner and there was the same hand that had led me before, pointing out titles and pictures, helping me pick and choose.

Later, as I grew older, I would venture into that section alone, looking for the taller shelves. I would find my heart’s desires there – whether they were embodied by girls who rode horses and lived in the country or by boys and their dogs or detectives or super heroes. When my hands were too full to carry any more, I would plop myself down on the floor and lean against the shelves or recline in one of the comfy chairs by the windows and wait until my mother and brother were ready to go and pay.

Today, I feel the echoes of these times with me whenever I stride confidently through the vast halls and floors of Barnes&Noble. I focus my energies on the Fantasy-and-Sci-Fi section and the Young-Adult section – for it often holds fantasy novels as well and some adorable easy reading material besides. Whenever I am in the US, most specifically my beloved LA, I beg to be left alone in the shop for a couple hours so I can make my purchases and buy myself a strong coffee and read, cracking the spines of the new books with joy.

The Meaning of Life

42.
Har har.
The meaning of life is to find the meaning of life, so when you’ve found the meaning of life, you don’t have a meaning to your life anymore.
Har har.

The truth, as far as I’m concerned anyway, is that there is no meaning to life other than what we make of it. Life is something we’re in all the time, we cannot step outside of it and look at it objectively, finding in it some grand pattern that is the meaning of it.
The meaning of life is your first kiss, your first love, the way your mother looked at you in second grade when you were on stage, the way your brother helped push you on the swing, the way you feel in your best friend’s arms, your favorite coffee brand, your habits. The meaning of life is how you cried when your grandfather died, how you withstood the pain of your arm breaking, the way you toiled to get a good grade, a good job. The meaning of life is your dog barking when you come home, the trivial anger at someone shoving in front of you in line, the way you rant about the things that you’re passionate about and the way you save money every month to be able to pay rent. The meaning of life is LIVING it. What else could it be?

Sonnet ’49

Against that time, if ever that time come,
When I shall see thee frown on my defects,
When as thy love hath cast his utmost sum,
Called to that audit by advis’d respects;
Against that time when thou shalt strangely pass,
And scarcely greet me with that sun, thine eye,
When love, converted from the thing it was,
Shall reasons find of settled gravity;
Against that time do I ensconce me here,
Within the knowledge of mine own desert,
And this my hand, against my self uprear,
To guard the lawful reasons on thy part:
To leave poor me thou hast the strength of laws,
Since why to love I can allege no cause.

I may not be well versed in the works of Shakespeare yet, but believe me, I intend to be one day. I found this sonnet by accident while studying for the SAT subject tests. It was in one of the practice tests I did, and I remember freezing and reading it over and over until I got the intonation and the meaning just right. The humanity and simplicity of the poem just staggers me. It is beautiful, and so typical – just a person, a regular person, being so scared that they’re not worthy of their loved one and sure that they’ll leave them one day. It’s amazing how little humanity changes over the years when it comes down to the day to day emotions and characteristics.

A Complaint Of The Spoiled

I have too many books to read. Ridiculous, I know. Not too many in the sense that I won’t have time and that I need to read a certain amount of books and meet a deadline. No, no, it’s much worse than that in the stupidity scale of complaints. No, I have too many books to read, literally, and I want to read them all right now, this second, and I can’t.

Why can’t I? Why, indeed. Mostly because I’m a nostalgic idiot and I promised myself I’d reread a trilogy of books I read years ago. Just because I felt like it. As I am strange, I am actually honering that vow to myself and so I’m now in the second book of the trilogy. Each book, I might add, is at least seven-hundred pages long. This is part of why I adore these books – they’re long, drawn out sagas that make me marvel at how the authoress invented such political and dramatic tangles.

But now I have a shelf-full of books that I bought in London, just waiting for me to pick them up and crack the cover for the first time. I can just feel the heat of their glares, the way they’re clamoring for attention in their silent way. Should I read Wicked first, or perhaps the light and fun Stephanie Meyer novel?

Oh, woe is me. What a hard life I do lead.

Ode to SNES

Love

Love

I plugged you in,
You seemed to work,
Until I discovered,
A little quirk.

Lines appeared
Upon the screen,
They made me sad
At what they did mean.

Earthbound, Batman,
Aladin and Racecar,
All worked slightly,
But not enough by far.

I shall not give up,
I refuse to, I do!
For I love you so much
That it’s almost not true.

So hang in there, SNES,
My consoling friend,
Don’t let this be
Your one final end.