Missing It

There’s a certain sound that keystrokes make. It’s a sound I hear a lot these days, but usually the sound’s only result is long papers about Antigone or Oedipus or Henry VIII. Not that those results are unsatisfactory – not in the least. In fact, my brain feels as if it’s expanding with every day, acquiring more material, whether useful or not, and using it to fill in the gray corners that have remained as empty and barren as understocked warehouses in thriving cities on the verge of poverty.

However, it’s been a great long while since I’ve associated the clack-clacking of fingers on keyboard with something creative. I feel like while one part of my brain is being used more and more and is stretching its limbs and crying out for joy, another part of it is slowly shrinking into the corner, scared, intimidated. The fear isn’t only from this new intellectual beast growing up near it – it’s also from the tremendous amount of talent that my eyes see every day, in the minds and eyes of other people. The school and environment I’m in is full of people who are writers at heart – many are genuine and love writing, although a fair few are also merely intellectual snobs who feel that knowledge is power that must be shown off, not just consumed. But those aren’t the intimidating ones – those are the ones I just choose not to associate with.

Still, the talent that is rampant on this campus is astounding and my creative brain seems to shrivel up with terror at the thought of being inadequate. But I miss it. I miss that part of me. I miss writing stories and poems that don’t rhyme. I miss writing character studies and wracking my imagination for new things to write about, new styles to try out, new places to describe.

I’m coming back. In a big way. I have to, if only to preserve my sanity and give myself something completely outside of my day-to-day struggle with books and papers and people to focus on. I hope I manage to stick by this promise – I’m coming back and I want to write something, even just a paragraph, each and every day. I know that I can’t expect anyone to read my words when I don’t have sufficient time to read theirs as well, but I’m going to strive to meet that goal too. When I was at home, I managed to read so many posts a day and I enjoyed it. I want to manage to read at least once or twice a week the full range of your – all my wonderfully supportive friends’ – blogs and catch up with you as well. I hope I can keep my promises this time. In the names of Dionysus, Henry VIII and Alan Turing I’ll try.

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6 thoughts on “Missing It

  1. Mckenzie says:

    1. Writing papers can be tedious (I know, I’m majoring in editing), but the subject matter can be fun. Think of it this way, at least you don’t have to write a paper about…pencils? LoL

    2. People who are intellectual snobs never or rarely meet their true potential. People who are intellectual and humble about it rise to new heights and usually allow the people around them to do the same. I’m glad you avoid the snobs.

    3. About feeling inadequate in terms of your peers, I think you ought to take a deep breath and consider everything you’ve accomplished. You are at an amazing school. The same amazing school, in fact, as they are, right? Do not stop to compare your capabilities with yours. If you are out to find people better than you, you will find them. If you are out to find yourself and the amazing work you can do, you will find that, too. You’re amazing, Em. Don’t doubt that.

    Love,

    M.

  2. chloe says:

    🙂 i’m more than happy to read you’re going to write each day!
    even though we communicate via email ❤ i still miss your writing in here
    i refresh my feed to your blog each day & then click into any new posts 🙂 -so i'll be reading
    xo

  3. I’m so glad to hear it. I miss you. Even if you don’t have time to respond to everyone, just make a smiley face so we know you were there and will know to come here to check you out.

  4. First of all – You have an amazing talent, so please do not compare yourself to others! You are there for a reason!

    I can believe it’s easy to get caught up in the seriousness of writing when at school, but it still needs to be fun. You still need to write your poems that do not rhyme and little pharagraphs that shows us you are still around.
    I am so happy i came across your blog long time ago – just love your writing, so please keep it up. At least once in a while 🙂

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