A Reply to “A Schedule” + A Little More

I’d like to start this post by just saying how much it meant to me to read the replies you all wrote. It means more than I can articulate to have people believing in my, people who have never met me or talked to me, but have only known my through this blog. It’s more special this way – there are no biases, you aren’t here just to flatter me, and if you didn’t like my blog, you’d leave and needn’t reply. I know these things, though they’re hard to really accept sometimes, and so I truly appreciate your support. Starting Sunday (because in Israel, the week starts on Sunday) I will begin my writing schedule, and we’ll see how it goes. I hope that I won’t disappoint myself!

I also would like to thank those of you who say that they wouldn’t guess my age… Age doesn’t matter when it comes to friendship, as far as I’m concerned, but I’ll admit that I’ve always had a little nagging doubt in the back of my mind – I’ve worried, you see, that I’ll somehow become or appear childish without meaning to, and that my friendship would be denied or pushed away. That hasn’t happened, and I’m relieved – and I’ll take those words of surprise at my age as compliments, because I know you mean them as such.

So. On a side note: is there some sort of requirement that people who wish to write have low self-esteem? Because, clearly, I’ve been gifted with an overabundance of that particular asset.

**

Test-time

Tense.

Chairs scraping.

Clock ticking.

School-building: hardback chairs with metal legs,

grey, grey tables, scratched, scored.

A fly buzzes.

Heads turn, murder in their eyes,

longing to swat the

interruption.

Then, suddenly,

it’s over.

Laughter returns to faces,

Sighs of relief can be heard,

High-fives exchanged.

It’s done,

it’s over,

it’s finished.

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6 thoughts on “A Reply to “A Schedule” + A Little More

  1. Erin M says:

    I’m with you in the writers-with-low-self-esteem camp. But I also know some writers who are insanely arrogant and never second-guess themselves (maybe they’re putting on a front?).

    Anyway, you’re not alone.

    Also, I’m glad your exam is over! I hope it went really well!

  2. I think self-esteem has always been an issue for me. I think validation and age helps, but still I always worry if my words are good enough or if they will be understood. I think the reson for this is that writing comes from such a personal level that it makes us vulnerable. Being accepted relieves us but doesn’t completely take that vulnerability away.

  3. Lua says:

    This is the thing I love about blogging- the virtual community and the unbiased friendships… We only got to know each other through our words and stories and that gives it a special meaning 🙂
    Hmm, low self-esteem? I think I’m in between, “kill-me-I-suck” town and “when-I-write-I-rock” valley… But I will admit that more than half the time, I camp at the kill-me-I-suck town 🙂

  4. I think low self-esteem makes us more in tune with ourselves and the world around us. It makes us great thinkers. We spend a lot of time on reflection, and that helps us see great truths in the world. And all of this should make us have really great self-esteem, because we are the modern day philosophers!!

    One of my blog readers said to me that people with depression seem to have an extra dose of empathy. And I really liked that – such an accurate description. Personal pain makes us more in tune to the pain others experience. So there is a silver lining of sorts.

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