Prediction Pertaining to (Pretty) Pirates

I know next to nothing about the newest installment of the (apparently never-ending) Pirates of the Caribbean film series. We’re up to number four now, with On Stranger Tides, and although I’m looking forward to seeing it this evening, I also have a niggling guilt in the pit of my stomach, telling me that it is going to be a complete waste of my time and money.

So here is what I know about this film: 1) Johnny Depp is in it, playing one of the best characters he’s ever done, Captain Jack Sparrow. 2) Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom are NOT in it (shame about the first of those, since she’s talented, fun, and incredibly beautiful to watch on screen). 3) There are man-eating mermaids of some sort.

Based on admittedly very little information, I am, nevertheless, prepared to bet that:

1) The film’s only redeeming feature will be (in my eyes) the inclusion of Mr. Dapper Depp.

2) The man-eating mermaids will be scantily clad and apparently good until they reveal their true natures.

3) There will be more than one racist stereotype included in the plot.

4) There will be many half-hidden, slightly sexual jokes.

5) And, last but not least, I’ll enjoy the film very much until the end of it, at which point I’ll wonder why on earth I spent two hours or more watching such drivel.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against silly, action-packed films. Nothing at all. It’s the constant sequel-turned-trilogy-turned-quartet syndrome that drives me nuts, because I want something new to enjoy, not a rehash of the same plot-devices and scenery used over and over again. 

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8 thoughts on “Prediction Pertaining to (Pretty) Pirates

  1. Anonymous says:

    I just saw the film last night with my family; no spoilers, but your predictions are entirely correct. 😉

  2. See, I was entirely under the impression that the last one was going to be… well… the LAST one. Not that I’m complaining. I’ll see it and enjoy it, and squee and ooh and ahh like a five year old.

    And, like you, wonder why I wasted my time and money on it at the end. XD

  3. I feel the same way. I always wonder why I sit through all of those sequels. I can’t stand them after a while. I loved the first one and quit there. I’ve heard other people really like it though and I guess Penelope Cruz did a really good job.

    • Well. It was a crappy movie. But I knew that going in. I also had to pay extra for it because it was in 3D for NO APPARENT REASON.

      Johnny was adorable, as expected, but I missed Keira Knightly’s angry pout, and Miss Cruz did not make up for it, although Keith Richards helped a bit.

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