comedy

Long Nails – What a Chore!

Friday night! Time to go out and meet people! Right? Right. So what does one do on this night of all nights of the week? One would want to look good, look cool, look awesome. A small, but crucial detail arises – WHAT should I do with my nails?!

If you’re like me, you really like the idea of long nails, but maintaining it is a bit more of a problem. My nails go all over the place – sometimes they’re long and pretty, but even then they’re not filed well and half the time I have two weeks-old polish on them. Like now. Now would definitely be one of those times. Some little red patches adorn these untended, unhealthy nails of mine, and it looks frankly quite horrendous.

Well, that’s easily fixable. Pull out the nail polish remover and scrub scrub scrub away. Amazing how persistent this icky old nail polish is… Ah! There, it’s all off now, though there are still red stains on my cuticles. Oh well, I’m putting black nail polish on anyway. And my pinky-nails will be green. Because I’m weird. Applying nail polish now, steady and easy… Left hand done! Now to the right. This is harder, my left hand is a bit shaky, but ah, there, relatively OK looking.

Now, I just need to be careful not to put my nails near anything… Ho-hum. Oh dang, how did THAT happen?! Urgh, now I have to do that nail all over again! Out comes the nail polish remover again…

Does this happen to you? Half the time I get so frustrated at my ruined nail polish that I just scrub all of it off and say to hell with it.

Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy

I’m not a great patriot, not when it comes to Israel, nor when it comes to the US. However, it’s an incredible feeling, knowing that when I go to college I’ll be able to actually support my government and take an acitve interest in its doings, instead of cringing whenever I hear the President’s voice- as I’ve been doing for the past eight years.

Eight is definitely enough. The United States do need change. And I am thrilled that Barack Obama is now in a position to help achieve such change. He is such an inspiring man, full of charisma and, despite his being a politician, what seems to be a genuine belief that he can make things better. Who knows? Maybe in eight years, instead of invading another country, the United States will have public health care! Maybe even gay-marriage rights. Perhaps even tax-cuts going to the right places and not to humongous corporations and people who really don’t need their money.

Let me just vent some emotion for a moment: THANK *INSERT-WHATEVER-YOU-BELIEVE-IN-HERE* THAT PALIN WON’T BE ANYWHERE NEAR THE WHITE HOUSE.

Although I will forever maintain that the US has never and will never see a president as good as Jed Bartlet, I think Obama might be really really close behind. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, LOOK IT UP. *stupidgiggle*

A Good Day’s Work

There is a certain feeling of satisfaction that we get after accomplishing things. For instance, if we get a good grade, a promotion, help someone with something important – when we do these things, we feel pleased, happy, content. I don’t know WHY we feel like that. It’s not as if our survival depends on such things. If anything, eating, drinking and breathing are things we get only minor satisfaction from.

Sometimes just knowing we got the smallest thing done makes us happy and satisfied. But seriously, why? Our basic instincts don’t call for us to strive towards anything. That’s what makes us human of course, or one of the things at least – the fact that we do strive, we have goals and wants that extend beyond our basic needs for survival. What a wonderous thing evolution was to bring us to this state.

Then again, when I look over at my cats and see them smiling just because they’re sleeping in a comfortable position, it makes me want to forget all goals and just become a creature of habit and instinct who doesn’t need to do anything more in life than eat, sleep and get scratched behind the ears.

Focus Now

Alright. What could be more simple? Just look up a few websites and read a bit of info and write some of it down. Nothing could be simpler. I think I’ll just go get a cup of coffee first.

Alright, coffee is now in hand. I can start working. Ok, first site. Hmm. Yes. Interesting. Uh-huh. Oh! Phone call. Alright, phone call finished, twenty minutes lost. No biggie though. Phone call was important. Oh damn, there it goes again. Alright, another half hour down the drain – but it’s ok, I still have a few hours to work.

Just going to make a piece of toast. Can’t work on an empty stomach after all. Right? Right-ho. Munching on toast is fun. I always like to eat the crust first and then sort of take tiny bites of the actual bread and chew them. Ok, must focus again now. Must keep working well. Oh, oops, haven’t actually gotten all that much done yet… Well, on to work now.

Alright, I’ll just watch ONE episode of Battlestar Galactica, but then I WILL get back to work. Mhmm.

Doesn’t it always go like that? Focusing isn’t as simple as it seems, is it?

Coffee On The House Tastes Better: A Haiku

A pessimist to my core, I don’t often have much faith in human kindness, and so I rejoice in it whenever I find it. Something small happened today that really made me smile and made my day better.

At work, there’s machine coffee that tastes horrible, so I normally go and buy my coffee at a little cafe in the building. Yesterday, there was no milk there, and the guy who works there was really nice about and apologized many more times than he had to.

Today, I went to get my coffee hoping there would be milk by then. Not only was the line endless, but also when I finally got to place my order, I found out there was only this weird “light” milk, something fake I guess. I was desperate for coffee so I asked him to make it with that anyway. So, “for the hardship of the whole milk thing,” he gave me my coffee on the house and wouldn’t hear of me paying, no matter how much I insisted.

To express my joy, a haiku [that is probably wrong somehow]:

Of milk there was none,
So you were kind and heartfelt,
Thank you coffee man.

Cookies Are the Answer to All Woes!

Except the woe of gaining weight, of course. But they ARE the answer to anything and everything else.

I always wanted to know how to bake really well and be able to bake lots of different things. For now, though, I’m content with making the yummiest chocolate-chip cookies in the world. Yeah, you’ve got it right – the Nestle Tollhouse ones.

These mouth-salivating photos are really of the cookies I made today and are courtesy of the talented Sir. B. F. whose blog you can access by clicking the link on the right.

Winter Time

It’s always extremely strange to move from daylight-saving-time to “normal” or winter-time. It makes you consider how time really is a thing we control. Or rather, the perception of time is something we control. By changing the clocks back an hour, we change the time of dawn, of dusk. Strange to ponder such things.

Yet, this is NOT why I decided to dedicate a post to the changing of the clocks here in the Holy Land. As much as I enjoy BSing about philosophy and pretending to understand the physics, such as they are, of time, I do not believe I could convincingly write an entire post on such things. No, what I wanted to demonstrate here is how religion rules this damn country.

Yom Kipur is coming up, which is a day of fasting in the Jewish religion. A day to apologize for the sins of your past year and turn over to a new page. The religious Jews, who, despite being a minority, have way too much power make the government declare a change to winter-time about a month earlier than the rest of the world. Why? Apparently so they won’t have to fast as much. Tomorrow starts officially at sundown of today in Judaism, and for some reason winter time makes the time between sundown to sundown shorter.

People who don’t even open the fridge on Shabes, since the lord forbids electricity on the Day of Rest,  change the whole freaking clock to suit their needs. I can only say that I see this as RELIGION FAIL.

What do you write about when you have nothing to write about?

Well, you could write about the weather. Slightly cloudy, with a cool western breeze and a slight chill coming up as evening falls. Blah, blah.

You could write about your physical and mental state. Ouch, my head hurts. Oh dear, what a strange day. Bitch, bitch, moan, moan.

You could write about something random. Gosh, isn’t Avenue Q just an amazing musical? So funny, so daring, so damnably catchy! It’s really something that you can listen to over and over, and seeing it in the theater is even more incredible. Gush, gush, gush.

You could write about politics. GOD, Sarah Palin is stupid. I mean, she really thinks she’s able to be the vice president of a whole country? She thinks that women shouldn’t have a choice about abortions, and yet states that her daughter made the CHOICE to keep her baby! Rant, rant, rave, rave.

You can write about anything. Just as long as you still write.

Harcore Football Fan – In My Own Way

Since meeting Sir B. F. and becoming more interested in soccer – fine, fine, FOOTBALL – I’ve become even more aware of my gender’s stereotypes. Mostly because I’ve been them. I’ve opened up Sir B. F.’s eyes to a whole different aspect of the sports world.

For example, I remember what Newcastle wear because they look like prisoners and it amuses me. I recognize Tevez from his awesome hair and totally wicked badass scar. I enjoy giggling over the men jumping all over each other and gripping each other’s faces and asses. Giggs I remember because I feel sorry for him for being “ancient” in football years. Ronaldo I laugh at constantly, both out of delight for his amazing dancing footwork and for his choice of wardrobe while off the field.

If I have mortified anyone with my blatant girlish attitude towards serious matter such as these, all I can say is TEEHEE.

Happy New Year, Jews of the World!

It’s 9:47PM here in the Holy Land and the holiday is officially on! Marvelous holiday, this Rosh Hashana business. Better than Christmas even! Sure we don’t have big fur trees or snow, but we’ve got FISH HEADS. Nothing beats some fish heads and some strangely shaped fruit with lots of seeds.

So gather ’round the table, all you family folk, and sing the kindergarten songs that pass for carols and rejoice, for today is the first day of the new year and soon enough you’ll get to fast! Wonderful, marvelous, go, go, enjoy, have fun! Go hug all the family members that you hate and kiss their cheeks and tell them Shana Tova! Drink a bottle or two of wine, it’s OK, you can repent it in a few days!

New year’s resolution: Stop being so cynical about harmless holidays.