humor

Big Brother

Will someone please explain to me the fascination people seem to find with watching other people lead absolutely boring lives inside a house? I will never understand it. I see the allure of certain so-called “reality shows” – so called because I know for a fact they’re all freaking scripted – like Project Runway, which is actually about exposure and talent, or even America’s Next Top Model, which is entertaining, if not particularly intelligent.

But what’s with this new [old] genre of Big Brother shows? What’s with people wanting to watch some normal people like themselves stuck inside a house for months with nowhere to go and nothing to do? What is so damn interesting about that?! Every day when I go to work I hear people talking about the damn show – heck, now they can watch it twenty-four seven cause they’ve made a whole freaking channel dedicated to it!

Oh yeah, by the way, did you know that those shows are scripted as well? Meaning you’re not even watching the real goings-on in the house, you’re watching planned and scripted dramas! So why not just turn on a soap-opera? At least then you KNOW it’s scripted and you’re not believing some lame lie!

Argh. I hate this new reality-tv-based society. I like writers who write scripts and tell everyone in no uncertain terms that that’s what they’re doing. Seems more creative and interesting that way. Then again, maybe it’s just me.

Long Nails – What a Chore!

Friday night! Time to go out and meet people! Right? Right. So what does one do on this night of all nights of the week? One would want to look good, look cool, look awesome. A small, but crucial detail arises – WHAT should I do with my nails?!

If you’re like me, you really like the idea of long nails, but maintaining it is a bit more of a problem. My nails go all over the place – sometimes they’re long and pretty, but even then they’re not filed well and half the time I have two weeks-old polish on them. Like now. Now would definitely be one of those times. Some little red patches adorn these untended, unhealthy nails of mine, and it looks frankly quite horrendous.

Well, that’s easily fixable. Pull out the nail polish remover and scrub scrub scrub away. Amazing how persistent this icky old nail polish is… Ah! There, it’s all off now, though there are still red stains on my cuticles. Oh well, I’m putting black nail polish on anyway. And my pinky-nails will be green. Because I’m weird. Applying nail polish now, steady and easy… Left hand done! Now to the right. This is harder, my left hand is a bit shaky, but ah, there, relatively OK looking.

Now, I just need to be careful not to put my nails near anything… Ho-hum. Oh dang, how did THAT happen?! Urgh, now I have to do that nail all over again! Out comes the nail polish remover again…

Does this happen to you? Half the time I get so frustrated at my ruined nail polish that I just scrub all of it off and say to hell with it.

Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy

I’m not a great patriot, not when it comes to Israel, nor when it comes to the US. However, it’s an incredible feeling, knowing that when I go to college I’ll be able to actually support my government and take an acitve interest in its doings, instead of cringing whenever I hear the President’s voice- as I’ve been doing for the past eight years.

Eight is definitely enough. The United States do need change. And I am thrilled that Barack Obama is now in a position to help achieve such change. He is such an inspiring man, full of charisma and, despite his being a politician, what seems to be a genuine belief that he can make things better. Who knows? Maybe in eight years, instead of invading another country, the United States will have public health care! Maybe even gay-marriage rights. Perhaps even tax-cuts going to the right places and not to humongous corporations and people who really don’t need their money.

Let me just vent some emotion for a moment: THANK *INSERT-WHATEVER-YOU-BELIEVE-IN-HERE* THAT PALIN WON’T BE ANYWHERE NEAR THE WHITE HOUSE.

Although I will forever maintain that the US has never and will never see a president as good as Jed Bartlet, I think Obama might be really really close behind. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, LOOK IT UP. *stupidgiggle*

Ho Hum Pen

‘Ho hum, ho hum,’
Went the little pen.
‘What shall I write for my mistress today?’
Went the little pen.

‘Shall I write a romantic ballad,
To break the hearts of all?
Or maybe a clever haiku,
That speaks of spring and fall?
Then again, mayhap an epic poem,
Of battle and love and loss,
And a little princess who waits in a tower,
With nothing to do but floss.

Perhaps a novel with chapters aplenty,
Should be my next project today!
Or instead, a political satire of those
Who promise, but then go out and play.’

So the pen mused for hours on end,
And could not make up his mind,
For he knew he would KNOW it
Whenever at last the perfect idea he’d find.

But just like every other day,
The pen gave up so soon,
Because a hand was now upon him,
And a voice too, begging a boon.
‘Oh write with me, please,
My dearest of pens.
We’ll create and muse,
And let us be friends!’

So just like every day,
The poor pen – he gave in,
And in the hand of his mistress,
He wrote, and he grinned.

Can you say ‘lack of structure’? I know it doesn’t flow all that well, but it’s late, and I’m tired, and darn it, I wanted to write a poem about a pen!

Castles in the Sky

Only lately have I actually realized what dream is forming slowly but surely in my mind. It didn’t start out as something I was aware of, but rather just an idea that floated around the empty grey spaces at the back of my mind – you know, the place where your chores usually go and from which you fish out weird random facts once in a while, like “Curiosity killed the cat” isn’t the full proverb, it’s “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.”

The thing that I realized is this: I have had this blog for a month and a half now, perhaps even a bit more. The days I haven’t written have been very few, and then it was because I wasn’t at home and had no way to write that day. More and more, writing is becoming part of my daily routine. I might not write all that well, I might not be particularly interesting, but writing is becoming more and more a part of my life.

The dreams that this fact arouses send me into a quiet frenzy, the likes of which I haven’t had in a long time. I still love the idea of acting and I still love the idea of singing. I still love the thousand-and-one professions I wish I could shove into a lifetime. But slowly, the thought of being able to actually write for a living one day – even if it is twenty years in the future – makes me feel as if my stomach is about to explode in a burst of confetti and joy.

A Good Day’s Work

There is a certain feeling of satisfaction that we get after accomplishing things. For instance, if we get a good grade, a promotion, help someone with something important – when we do these things, we feel pleased, happy, content. I don’t know WHY we feel like that. It’s not as if our survival depends on such things. If anything, eating, drinking and breathing are things we get only minor satisfaction from.

Sometimes just knowing we got the smallest thing done makes us happy and satisfied. But seriously, why? Our basic instincts don’t call for us to strive towards anything. That’s what makes us human of course, or one of the things at least – the fact that we do strive, we have goals and wants that extend beyond our basic needs for survival. What a wonderous thing evolution was to bring us to this state.

Then again, when I look over at my cats and see them smiling just because they’re sleeping in a comfortable position, it makes me want to forget all goals and just become a creature of habit and instinct who doesn’t need to do anything more in life than eat, sleep and get scratched behind the ears.

20 Hours In America

To anyone who hasn’t seen this episode of The West Wing – you must. It is incredible. I shall now explain my claim in detail. Consider this practice for writing a review. Sort of.

First of all, any episode of any TV show that starts with repeatedly saying the words “soy bean fields” simply because they’re funny is a good episode. Second, any episode of any TV show featuring a song by Tori Amos also has to be pretty damn swell. Thirdly, a couple of quite attractive men being smart on screen about real issues has to be a plus.

But apart from those O-so-obvious reasons, this episode deals with issues that are still relevant today. The stupidity of certain political candidates, the fall of the dollar and the things that a stock market collapse brings about, human nature at its pettiest and at its kindest.

Although this episode is filled with hilarious quotes and language games – something The West Wing is always full of, due to its incredible writers – this is still my favorite quote, just because it’s so true and so relevant:

It should be hard. I like that it's
hard. Putting your daughter
through college, that's-that's a man's job. A man's accomplishment. But it
should be a little easier.
Just a little easier. 'Cause in that difference is... everything.

Focus Now

Alright. What could be more simple? Just look up a few websites and read a bit of info and write some of it down. Nothing could be simpler. I think I’ll just go get a cup of coffee first.

Alright, coffee is now in hand. I can start working. Ok, first site. Hmm. Yes. Interesting. Uh-huh. Oh! Phone call. Alright, phone call finished, twenty minutes lost. No biggie though. Phone call was important. Oh damn, there it goes again. Alright, another half hour down the drain – but it’s ok, I still have a few hours to work.

Just going to make a piece of toast. Can’t work on an empty stomach after all. Right? Right-ho. Munching on toast is fun. I always like to eat the crust first and then sort of take tiny bites of the actual bread and chew them. Ok, must focus again now. Must keep working well. Oh, oops, haven’t actually gotten all that much done yet… Well, on to work now.

Alright, I’ll just watch ONE episode of Battlestar Galactica, but then I WILL get back to work. Mhmm.

Doesn’t it always go like that? Focusing isn’t as simple as it seems, is it?

Don’t colleges WANT students?!

Why must colleges have such HORRIFIC websites? Can they not see they are losing the faith of the young generation, i.e. the generation they’re supposed to be catering to? Anyone who breaths and lives the internet knows how annoying it is to stumble across a website that is not designed well, has missing links, has strange ways of navigating users from place to place and is all-around generally bad.

Suggestion, O Collegiate Geniuses: take twenty jacking-off, pubuescent, nineteen year-old kids from your newest freshmen class, prefferably the ones taking many computer classes, tell them to design a more approachable and straightforward website and give them extra credit so they’ll do it. Your problem will be solved and your websites won’t make me and the other prospective students want to scream and hurl things at our screens.

Coffee On The House Tastes Better: A Haiku

A pessimist to my core, I don’t often have much faith in human kindness, and so I rejoice in it whenever I find it. Something small happened today that really made me smile and made my day better.

At work, there’s machine coffee that tastes horrible, so I normally go and buy my coffee at a little cafe in the building. Yesterday, there was no milk there, and the guy who works there was really nice about and apologized many more times than he had to.

Today, I went to get my coffee hoping there would be milk by then. Not only was the line endless, but also when I finally got to place my order, I found out there was only this weird “light” milk, something fake I guess. I was desperate for coffee so I asked him to make it with that anyway. So, “for the hardship of the whole milk thing,” he gave me my coffee on the house and wouldn’t hear of me paying, no matter how much I insisted.

To express my joy, a haiku [that is probably wrong somehow]:

Of milk there was none,
So you were kind and heartfelt,
Thank you coffee man.